So, 37 weeks. Babi is fully baked! I’ve now finished work and as I logged off last night I felt everything relax. Work’s been tough recently and I’m so looking forward to spending my energy thinking and preparing (as much as is possible anyway) for what’s to come in the next few weeks. I took advantage of the sun last week and washed some clothes, and was surprised how happy it made me to be hanging them up on the washing line. I think it was when I realised how much happiness I could find in little things like that, and how much more I’d look forward to a sunny day in the park compared to a crazy night of drinking and dancing, that I felt like I was ‘ready’ to have a child – as ready as you can be without really knowing what you’re letting yourself in for anyway.
I noticed my first stretch mark a couple of days ago (well, apart from the silver streaks already criss crossing my thighs and hips from growing up and out when I was younger). There was a brief moment of irritation (not least at the time I’ve spent slapping Bio Oil on myself) until I remembered that it would have been naive of me to go into this process thinking it wouldn’t change me, outside and in. I can’t really conceive of it just yet, but have this feeling that this whole thing is going to break me open in some way (and not just in the way implied by a colleague’s suggestion of ‘Torn’ by Natalie Imbruglia for my labour playlist…*)
A friend has asked me to be a bridesmaid in a couple of months and I’m really excited. Luckily she’s let us choose our own dresses. It’s funny how different my considerations are now than they would otherwise have been. Before I’d have been looking for a dress that hid my tummy. Now I accept I’m going my tummy’s not going to be that easy to hide, so which dress is best for getting my boobs out if I’m breastfeeding, which I hope to be. Although I am hoping there’ll be a little less tummy than the photo above! Having said that, everyone from the midwife to the checkout guy at Lidl has told me how small I seem to be carrying. I swear the baby is hiding in my chin(s). Or my arse. That’s the only explanation for how big they’ve gotten.
*For those wondering, other suggestions included Ring of Fire, Break On Through (to the Other Side), Push It, and Men at Work’s (I come from a land) Down Under. Wondering why I’m glad to have finished work?