How to Snare a Millionaire

During my recent clear out I came across an old copy of ‘How to Snare a Millionaire‘. It’s too late for me now sadly but I thought I would share some of its tips with you so that you can find your own millionaires!

Things not to wear include:

  • skintight leggings
  • tentlike jumpers,
  • the grunge look,
  • big polka dots
  • tattoos
  • white shoes before Easter or after Labor Day

Books you should read:

  • Hamlet- “You’re probably familiar with more lines from this work than any other. It can be fun searching for them.”
  • The Bible – “Don’t be afraid to skip over the more technical parts.”
  • The Latest by Michael Crichton – “That’s not an actual book title.

Words to practise and incorporate into your vocabulary include:

  • banal
  • demigod
  • Machiavellian
  • megalomania
  • mundane
  • sycophant

Things not to say:

  • I almost peed my pants
  • He could’ve shit a brick
  • She had tits out to there!

Places not to meet millionaires:

  • Video arcades
  • Adult magazine shops
  • Miniature golf courses
  • Belly-dancing recitals

Things not to have in your house when you’ve finally met your millionaire and invited him around:

  • Velvet paintings of Elvis
  • Beefcake posters
  • Dead bug carcasses
  • Ninja Turtle sheets
  • Obnoxious children

Please do let me know if any of these work for you.


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